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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

We can't solve our problems alone.

When I found out my friend died, I thought it was a horrible accident that wasn't meant to happen. There were so many people questioning though, they said he killed himself because of great distress. I didn't believe them. I couldn't. I believed that God wanted him to be with Him, that it was just his time to go home.

And I didn't understand why God allowed him to leave when his family is so broken and needing his support so badly. But I tell myself to have faith in God and trust that God knows best, and just prayed for his family.

And then I finally had this talk with my mom. It was brief, because I couldn't talk about it much. I didn't know what to say. I found out that his death wasn't an accident. It was all planned. He planned it. There were evidences leading to what seemed to be a suicidal event.

I couldn't believe it. Maybe I don't want to. Maybe because I see his smile all the time and think "Wow, he must be really happy." His smile is so huge, anyone would've believe he's happy. I didn't know he was hurting. Maybe he wasn't hurting when I saw him last time. I hope that when he smiled, it was because he was genuinely happy, not because he used it to cover up his feelings. I hope for this, for the sake of all of us who considered him as a friend or family, yet failed to see his pain and help be a shoulder to him. Honestly, I don't know if he spoke aloud to anyone about what he was facing. Alot of us had some clue on his hurt, it was publicized. And we sympathized with him and carried on with our lives. That was our mistake. I wonder if he had best friends to lean on.

Alot of times, we think our situation is so big, that it's greater than our God.
That's wrong. Nothing is greater than our God. Even in the worst, most unimaginable situations, God's still greater. My friend failed to realized that. He thought death was the better option. And so he took it into his own hands. He took his problems into his own hands. That's wrong. Only God can solve our problems. We can't solve our problems without God.
This must be the first Christmas we'll have without him in a long time. That'll be hard, especially for his sisters and mom.

I'll try to be a shoulder to lean on, to the people around me. I know he took his life because he couldn't see any way out and didn't want to deal with the pain. I don't want that to happen to any other friends I have. Because God always gives hope and strength. Not alot of people know that, but I pray that my friends will know.

RIP, you're missed.

Friday, December 7, 2012

God takes care of me! :)

Sooooo last week I was in Singapore with mom and sis. On Sunday, our supposing only day that was appointments-free and stress-free was rudely interrupted by my intestine (according to the doctor). During dinner with a stranger whom I recently met through mom, I was admitted to the emergency ward in the hospital for severe sharp pain in the stomach (the pain traveled, from one side of my stomach to another, lol!). I couldn't stop crying, couldn't breathe properly, had to get my mom to hold me while I walk so I won't collapse etc. Turns out, the doctor said I must have consumed something I shouldn't have (odd enough, my mom and sis ate everything I did). It's kinda like food poisoning, but with very different symptoms.

Even weirder, was about 5 minutes after lying on the hospital bed, the pain became so much more less.

Facts I'm so annoyed about:
1. I freaked everyone out, my family, the stranger-now-friend (lets call her Christine), taxi-drivers, mall staff and random people.
2. I only met Christine, and troubled her to get a taxi for the hospital and medicine for me, and pay for my meal, and caused her to be yelled at by some inconsiderate person when she was trying to help me get to the hospital asap.
3. My mom, sis and Christine hardly ate , because my intestine decided to cut dinner short and demanded for attention.
4. The four of us actually bought tickets for a broadway show ($55-85 per person), which we didn't get to watch cz everyone went to the hospital.
5. I scared my close family friends who were in Singapore with us as well. They even took the trouble to visit me, in the short few hours I was in the hospital.
6. Close family friends paid for my hospital bill and medication because they wanted to ($350?).


Think about it. Because of me, none of us got the see the broadway show. I also scared and troubled soooo many people. To top it off, $570-$690 is gone. That is excluding the dinner that was paid for but ignored and painkillers they got for me while on the way to the hospital. $570-$690 isn't even converted to RM yet.

I was so upset with myself for not being strong enough to withstand the pain. I kept thinking (although I knew it was impossible), if I had the strength to hang it there and deal with the pain well, everything would've been fine. We would have had a great time having dinner and watching the broadway show, and save the cash for something else.

I also kept thinking, if this had happened in Perth, I probably won't have enough $ to pay for the bills and everything. I've always been striving for financially independence. Truth be told, it's hard. I live like a poor cat, making enough $ to survive for the month. Mom insist on giving me money but I try very hard not to use it, cz that's not financial independence.

Then during devotion, I came across this verse:
Hebrews 13:5 'Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." '

Oh my, if God said he would never leave me nor forsake me, why do I have to worry about money? I've been such a fool, failing to see that God only placed me in this position, knowing that I couldn't handle this on my own in Perth, but in Singapore, the finances area were handled by others (like mom, Christine and family friends).

Facts I'm sooo thankful for:
1. I'm okay now. No more pain :) I was so scared, I thought I was either going to pass out or lose my mind or something.
2. God knew that this trip was a hard one for our family. He got family friends to come with us to provide comfort and security. They even insisted to pay for alot of appointments and my hospital bill. Such a blessing.
3. All of the appointments went terrific. Going to each appointment was physically and emotionally wearing me down (if not my family). What lifted our spirits up was the miracle God performed at every appointment (that's another story :) ).
4. God's timing is so perfect, he gave us all these issues and appointments specifically when my mom, sis and I are together as a family. Family really provides alot of comfort.
5. I know can depend on family and family friends when emergency hits so suddenly. :))

Fact I look forward to:
1. More miracles and prayers answered! I have faith, nobody else seem to have faith but I know God will deliver me. And when he does, I will fly like a bird and glorify His name.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

He answers.

I've been having a (very stressful) burden in my heart telling me to move church. This has been going on since the start of 2010 when I first came to Perth. Because my sister was in Zion Praise Harvest church, I automatically settled into Zion. Within 2 months I knew Zion was not my place. I couldn't explain why, I just knew I wouldn't be staying in Zion and that I had to move.

For 2.5 years I tried looking for a reason to move, because if I move church, people are going to ask questions and start heated arguments with me on why I should just stay in Zion (it has happened, really). When people ask you "Why are you moving church?", you can't just say "I honestly don't know". But after trying to convince myself and the people around me on why I'm moving church, I realized I was fooling myself, and I got myself into alot of judgements and misunderstandings from other people, I felt like the world was against me!

Then I was reminded of Abraham, whom God told to relocate, without telling him where to go and what to do there. Basically, God just told Abraham "Pack your bags and leave because I want you to".
Genesis 12:1-3 Now the Lord said to Abram (who was later given the name 'Abraham'), "Go forth from your country, and from your relatives, and from your father's house, to the land which I will show you; and I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great; and so you shall be a blessing; and I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed".

God didn't tell Abraham where to go, He didn't exactly say why either. God only implied that this was His plan, and Abraham was to follow God's instructions.

I know it's a bit dramatic, but I could relate so much to that. I felt that God was telling me to move church, without telling me which church to go to and why I'm suppose to move.

So after realizing that God really wanted me to move church and wasn't keen on telling me where to go and why he wanted me to move yet, I decided to go around and attend other church services, to see which one God wanted me to be in. I'm not exactly sure how but I ended up with Faith Community Church (FCC). My sister also decided to start attending FCC at the same time I did. So that probably influenced my decision on FCC...

It was hard to leave, still is hard. To leave friends I've made across cell groups, ex-housemates from Zion, friends I've made from organized events and people from FuZion. What made it even harder was the fact that I knew there was no dance ministry in FCC. I've always been serving in FuZion at Zion because dance is my passion, and I desire to excel and serve God through this. But FCC doesn't have a dance ministry, so it was like kissing dance goodbye.

While transitioning to move church, another burden I had was to continue in my journey of dance. All of a sudden I was really enthusiastic about dance. I choreographed and dance on my own, imagined FCC dancers dancing on the huge stage we use and came across many unlikely instances reminding me of my journey in dance. It's very easy to put this passion in a box and leave it in a corner till dust bunnies appear (because I wasn't expecting to serve God through dance anymore, and wasn't expecting to be involved in any sort of dance anymore), but I guess God made sure I was constantly reminded to explore this passion more and more.

I had a strong desire to dance but I was at a dead-end, there was no dance ministry in FCC! I prayed about it and told God "You gave me this passion for a reason, and I'm sure it's to serve You with dance. And I'm not sure where me and You are headed but if You gave me this passion, I'll take classes. And I know You'll work out everything else for me, even though I don't know what 'everything else' is."

So I did, I took classes and believed God had a plan for my passion in dance.

Guess what.

In the 3rd dance class I took (for House, which was bizarre cz I didn't even know what House was, but found out I might be better in House than any other dance genres I've done, even though I've been on Hiphop since I started dancing!), I was introduced to a girl from FCC. She told me she was looking for ppl to set up a dance ministry in FCC with and was planning to start this ministry once everyone's exams were done (in about 1-2 months)!

I am SO pleased, that God took me this far and answered my prayers of serving Him through dance. :) I seriously initially thought I wasn't gonna be able to serve Him through dance anymore! I'm still not exactly sure how this dance ministry will work out for me cz I might not be in Perth next semester, but I'm confident God will bring me through.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

The Show Must Go On

One thing I've learnt from performances is that everything seem to go wrong on the day of the performance.  Be it wrong music, wrong lighting, insufficient floor space, a change in actions, a change in dance positioning, a sprained ankle, a hurt knee. And usually, they would only occur a minute before the dance, or while the dance is occurring.

One rule in performing a dance is to suck it up, smile and carry on. The purpose of a performance isn't to portray the behind-the-scenes problems dancers face all the time, the purpose of the performance is to portray a story, a thought or an emotion. 

I've had heaps of experiences and tales from fellow dancers, that when something goes wrong (even during the dance), overcome it with a confident expression.
Knocked your leg on an amplifier? 
Get back up and keep on dancing.
Slapped another dancer while flinging your hand?
Get back up and keep on dancing.
Sprained an ankle before the dance?
Suck it up, get back up and keep on dancing.

Because we're on stage, where people stare at every single movement we do. It's much like living in the world as christians, where we're being watched by society. As flawed human beings, we fall all the time. The difference between being a christian and a non-christian is this: God helps us to get back up and keep on dancing.

(Retrieved from http://flicmanning.com/refocused-and-recharged/)
In a dance performance, the show must go on. In life, God's Will must go on. :)


Eurythmy

Eurythmy = a movement of art that unites form, movement and language (Eurythmy Spring Valley, 2011).

I don't exactly 100% understand how God can move hearts through dance, but I witnessed it myself. Dancing to a story every girl can relate to regarding low self-esteem and self-hatred, I saw God touch the hearts of the audience. Even guys! Marvelous, how a simple dance could bring so much meaning to someone.

Personally, I was too caught up in not making mistakes (due to problems with floor management) to fully immerse myself into the song as I danced, but hearing from other dancers (who were not affected by the floor management problems), the tears were real.

(Retrieved from http://edinburghfestival.list.co.uk/article/3677-sorry-love/)

Have you ever seen a dance, whereby the dancers shed real tears, and the audience shed real tears as well? The entire dance, started out and ended with tears, from dancers and the audience. Crying wasn't the result of a beautiful dance, no I actually thought there were heaps of mistakes. But crying was more from an inward pain that the dancers and audience felt. It was something that everyone (well for girls anyway) could relate to. All glory to God, for being able to use eurythmy in portraying His Message.

Dance isn't merely about movements, it's about portraying your heart and your soul out through rhythm, non-verbally. Alot of people underestimate the power of non-verbal language. We put so much emphasis into speaking and listening that sometimes, the non-verbal language is forgotten. But in actual fact, I believe that non-verbal language is the most honest form of communication. Even in acting! Who says acting is fake? You immerse yourself into the character, there IS some form of real-ness there.

Everyone can verbally lie perfectly, but no one is able to non-verbally lie perfectly.

(Retrieved from
http://ballerinadiary.tumblr.com/post/14673956199/dance-is-pain-dance-is-tears-dance-is-sacrifice)

Saturday, April 28, 2012

A time to Mourn

'Tis confirmed.' :( (regarding my post below).

I'm in mourning. Mourning because I'll never see him again, because he was so young, because all his dreams and hopes have disappeared, because he was in such pain, because he left his three sisters and mother behind to fend for themselves, because I keep trying to imagine how it was like when he fell (how he felt, how painful and scary it was, how his friends felt when they saw him fall, the horror that seized them, etc).

Alot of people have been emphasizing to me that it's stupid to mope like this. Of course I know being upset and demotivated isn't going to give JJ his life back. But I can't go through being totally normal and cheerful when he constantly goes through my mind. And I can't bring myself to fake a jolly smile when I talk about this, knowing that his family's hearts are shattered, and they are left confused and even more lost. I'm not mourning because I feel I should obtain sympathy, I'm mourning because that's what people do when their friends die. Even Jesus wept! (John 11:35). No one understands, but when I read His Words, I felt comforted.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 - a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

I've been told to dance even through this sad time (which I totally understand the point), but God says I can mourn. And now's the time to mourn, not to dance. So for now, I'll mourn for his family. And when the mourning time is over, I will dance.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Life is so fragile

Just heard that a friend of mine might have fallen off a cliff in Sydney. :( They're still not sure if it's him so his mom is flying over to Sydney to identify his body.

Body (Retrieved from http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sydney-nsw/body-found-at-base-of-cliff-in-coogee/story-fn7y9brv-1226338147155)

He's only 2 months older than I am! :(

I feel so numb right now, not having the desire to do anything at all. Life is so so precious. I realized that no matter how many deaths I come across, I'll still say this: life is so so precious, and so so fragile. God can decide to take away your life just like that. He decides it all.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 There is an appointed time for everything. And these is a time for every event under heaven. A time to give birth and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

I was reading this verse today (before I heard of this sad news) because I felt abit down just now. Devotion brought me here. How timely is this verse! For a disheartening event that occured just now and now. God truly knew what I needed to hear.

Through this waiting process of his body being identified, I felt the need to pray. And alot of people around me are praying that the body does not belong to him, that he's still out there somewhere, missing but safe. But I realized, what's the point of praying that the body is not his, when God's already done what's done? We can't pray fro God to undo events, but we can pray for the family.

He (my friend) recently lost his dad just about a year ago too. So his family is in great grieve now. I'm grieving too, I'm sure alot of other people are grieving too. But above everything that happens, God's watching and is in control. He knows what He's doing. He appointed the time for us to be alive and die!

You are magnificent, eternally, wonderful, glorious.
Jesus, no one ever will compare, to You, Jesus. (Magnificent by Hillsongs)

Let His name be glorified, because the reason why we are even created was to please Him. <3

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Forgiveness

It's never an easy thing when someone you trusted so much broke your heart.

It's been 13 years since my parents divorced. And even after 13 years, I still find myself having so much anger for my dad (don't get me wrong, I still love him, sorta). And I don't know why. I don't know why the littlest things that he does would piss me off, the words he say, the way he judges situations. You'd think that after 20 years of knowing my dad, I would get immune to his ways and stop getting angry at everything. I thought so too.

And throughout last year I lied to myself about how I've finally forgiven him and can accept him the way he is, and that I won't get angry at him anymore. And through occasional emails with my dad, I would try to show him that I love him.

Needless to say, all that love vanished when I went back to KK for the holidays. Suddenly, my perception changed and I realized that all the 'love' that I pretended to have for my dad was fake, because anyone can fake their words on social networking. All the anger inside me welled up again, perhaps even more! I don't recall dreading to see my dad as much as I did during the holidays. :(

I can't pray for him. I've to pray for myself before I can pray for him. I use to always pray for him, now I understand that the fault isn't 100% on him. It's on me. Sure the little things that he do pisses me off and he can always try and avoid those little things, but I'm the one not able to manage my anger. Today in Social and Emotional Development class, my lecturer said that emotions are okay, but it's what you do with the emotions that matters.

Colossians 3:15 - Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.

Everytime I feel angry towards my dad, I'll just shut up, let the world pass me by and become the party pooper. I guess I've still alot to learn about forgiveness.

Jesus forgave me so I'll try really hard to forgive my dad too! Forgiveness is always a learning journey to take.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Beautiful

This Easter, I was given the opportunity to dance to a beautiful song, 'Beautiful'.



For years I've been living in secrets of self-esteem issues. I've never shared this with anyone because I didn't want to be judged. But sometimes I would cry because I wasn't happy with who I was, and I wanted to be beautiful. To be the beautiful the way the world sees the word 'beautiful'.



And even after believing in God and know that He loves me for who I am, I would still get frustrated at myself, at how 'defected' I thought I was. I would always pray at night, wishing and hoping that He would miraculously change me because I wanted to get out of my skin so badly. And I would always, always, always look at someone else and think 'I wish I was normal like them', or 'I wish I could be comfortable in my skin like them'.



And so this song means so much to me. Because I wanted to be beautiful, to be accepted, to be seen as normal. Because to the world, I'm not beautiful, I'm not accepted, I'm not normal.

And today after dance practice, I came across someone saying 'God doesn't make mistakes'. And you know, I've always knew that God doesn't make mistakes, but it never dawn on me that He didn't make a mistake when He created me, that He wanted me to become exactly who I am today, that He says that I'm perfect (apart from all the sin that I do).

God sees me as perfect!!! And you know, the world's always and forever gonna tell me that I'm flawed, that I look horrible, abnormal and all. But you know what? God says I'm perfect, so who are you to tell me that I'm flawed? In your face!!!!

This post related so much to my assignment on children with special needs.

On a side note (not actually side, actually),

Who are we to judge people by calling them retarded, ugly, physically disabled etc? God created them perfect.

Just cz they don't look like the majority of this world, doens't mean they're not perfect. If God made 90% of us with Cerebral Palsy (an impairment that makes your muscle stiff and so you don't move as naturally as others), and the other 10% without Cerebral Palsy, the whole world would think that having Cerebral Palsy is 'normal' and label the 10% without Cerebral Palsy as weird.


Today, I learnt that God is happy with the way I look, and He probably gets frustrated at me when I ask Him to change me because He sees me as perfect when I see myself as totally retarded.

I learnt that God loves me for who I am, He already had an idea of how I would look like before I was born. I'm perfect, because God's plan for how I would look like is perfect.

I'm still struggling with the whole self-esteem thing, sometimes wanting to hide in a hole and never come out because of criticisms that I face. I'm still learning to accept who I am, that I'm perfect because God made me so. I'm gonna take a long while to fully comprehend how perfect God made me and how perfect God loves me for who I am, but at least I'm getting there.

Tonight, my prayer isn't going to be: God, please change me.
It's going to be: God, thanks for creating me perfect.

I know I'm not the only one out there feeling disgusted with myself. I actually reckon that every girl goes through this at least once in her lifetime, so just to let you know in case you haven't already figured it out: God created you perfect. Just cz the world tells you you're retarded, doesn't mean they're right. Hey, God never said that a Cerebral Palsy person look ugly!

Love yourself!

(Photo retrieved from http://weheartit.com/entry/5616269)

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Poor People Need Food!

So today....


I missed dance practice (Easter 2012) for this:



We (along with a bunch of other christians from different churches of which I actually just met) prepared huge amount of food in our leader's church (someone whom I've just met too!). We then drove all the way to city (Northbridge area) to give them out to the supposingly poor people.

Even though this is a monthly event that happens in the same place and at the same time each month, lots of people didn't know we were there to give out free food. One of us just went around yelling 'who would like some food?!'

We had rice, curry, salas, coleslaw, potatoes, bread, nachos, cordial drinks and brought watermelons. Took an hour for 21 people to prepare 100 people's average food intake. Another 20 minutes to clean the kitchen and another 15 minutes to drive all the way up, cz we prepared food at Mt. Pleasant. Brought disposable plates, containers (for them to tapao), cutleries and cups, gloves to serve and lotsa of plastic bags to pick up rubbish with (we needed to clean the park where we served too cz otherwise the council would complain that we leave a mess, then forbid us from using the space.



It was great helping out, seeing their faces when you serve them, and them saying 'God bless you' with sincerely grateful smiles. It was great, seeing them eat happily and coming back for second rounds, then coming back to tapao for their family, then going home to tell their family that 'there's free food in the park today!!'. It was sooo great seeing the sick, making their way across the park in slow steps (cz it's a struggle for them to walk) just cz they finally found food and they've been hungry for a while.

Guys, there are so many people out there that has no food to eat, no pillow to rest their head on, no car to get transport from, no clothes to wear. Some of them even need medical attention but they can't afford it! Please, lets do something about it. Don't just think 'Oh yea, poor people, wish I could help but I don't know how to'. We can start with their most important need: food. Just bake potatoes with salt & pepper, and go to the streets and yell 'free food'. I'm sure lots of desperately hungry people would come.



'If you see a problem, fix it. Don't just complain about it, hoping it would go away' (Tham, 2009).

However people, we need to be sensible. I used potatoes as an example because it's cheap, easy to cook, keeps one full and contains heaps amount of vitamins and nutrients people need. Bear in mind that these poor people are always hungry and are most probably malnutritioned, so if you do give food to people (may God bless you), give pratical stuff. Veg, a little bit of meat (honestly you don't need to eat lots of meat to survived, potatoes are enough!), something with a lil bit of sugar, water, fruits. You'll leave the poor people healthier and happier!



Hebrew 13:16 - "Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Made wonderfully complex and marvelous!

So this semester, most of my units seem to focus on children with special needs (SN). (I know everyone uses the term 'disabled children, but I'm against labeling them as 'disabled children', and have even written a whole paragraph in my assignment to justify my beliefs. So bear with me!)

(Photo retrieved from http://www.newbornbabyzone.com/health-safety/downs-syndrome-identifying-it-and-living-with-it/)

It seriously amazes me that there can be so many things that go wrong with the human body, during or after conception. To name a few:
1. Cognitive Impairment ( I know of 5 types)
2. Physical Impairment (I know of 8 types)
4. Vision Impairment (I know of 4 types)
4. Hearing Impairment (I know of 7 types)
5. Speech and Language Impairment (I know of 6 types)
6. Olfactory and Gustatory Impairment ( I know of 10 types)
7. Somatosensory Impairment

And gosh, I only mentioned types, not subtypes. For example, did you know that Autism Spectrum Disorder is listed as a type of Cognitive Impairment, and can be further classified into 7 subtypes? If you add all the subtypes and ones that I don't even know of, there would be hundreds! And these are only impairments, relating to physiotherapist, speech therapist etc. I haven't touched on medical-related conditions that can go wrong with the human body. (Sorry, nerd-talk here).

I had to do research on how these impairments affect children with SN and it's horrible. From
being bullied, discriminated and harassed by society, to expensive fees to the therapist, to extra attention on the children etc. It's such a lifelong pain.

(Photo retrieved from http://www.vasaprava.org/?p=1001&lang=en)

Every single little thing that goes on in our body, from our blood cells to our brain to our nerves to our organs etc, anything can go wrong. Anything at all.

And if it does, then BAM you'll be listed as 'disabled' and 'weird' and 'outcast' and 'burdensome'.

And then BAM most of your parents money will go to spending on your treatments and visits to therapist.

And then BAM you'll need a carer to look after you 24/7, to help you eat, make sure you don't burn yourself while you're cooking, make sure you don't cross the road when its busy.

I can only thank God that he knitted me perfectly, He didn't want me to have impairments. He knew I couldn't handle it.
(But of course, we shouldn't discriminate those with SN just cz we don't have impairments!).

Psalm 139:13-16 - You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

The human body is so wonderfully complex and marvelous! I'm wonderfully complex and marvelous. You're wonderfully complex and marvelous too! :)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Vision of the Women in Gold

Last night, I was talking with a friend on how God speaks. And I wondered why things between God and I have gotten so quiet. Was it because I was so busy and I got caught up with life here in Perth that I always felt tired and impatient when I prayed? Or did God wanted me to wait in silence to test me? Or did I do something wrong? Or is God actually speaking to me the whole time but I've just been blinded?

Honestly, it has been sooo long and I feel tired. But before I slept that night I told myself to pray again. To pray longer than the usual (even if the usual was a super quick prayer). Honestly, it wasn't just about praying for a minute longer than usual or something, but it was more for resisting the urge to sleep earlier because I really wanted to talk to God because I felt He deserve more than what I can offer Him - my time.

And while I was praying for a specific person, someone whom I really love (best not to mention who?) I saw a vision. A women, with her arms spread out wide, she was flying. Everything about her was gold. Her skin was the colour of gold, her hair was the colour of gold, her dress was the colour of gold. But there was something black, that was rotting inside her, at her chest. I could see it, as she flew, it was rotting, and the irregular black shape grew bigger and bigger at her chest.

I was so scared I opened my eyes, but the image still lingered for a few seconds before it disappeared.

I'm not sure what the vision meant. Something horrible though, no doubt. Wonder who the women was. Still praying, for God to reveal to me what the vision meant, and for His protection and grace to be over my loved ones and I. :(

I'm so scared. Scared because God is so powerful that He can do anything He wants to. And now I can only kneel in repentance for all the mistakes we've done, praying that He'll give us the millionth chance we dont deserve.

God, I'm so sorry for we're so flawed! :'(

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Rottnest Island



A while back, I went to Rottnest Island for a long-needed break.





Ferry Trip (to and fro) = $72
Food = $0
Tour for Humpback Whale-watching = $56
Accomodation = $46
Approx total cost = $174

In the end, God worked His marvelous powers and gave me huge discounts and blessings.

Ferry Trip (to and fro) = $0
Food = $2 (the ice popsicle was sooo good)
Tour for Humpback Whale-watching = $20
Accomodation = $0
Total Cost = $22

I honestly don't really know how God made this trip so full of free stuff. And it wasn't just me, two of my friends had equally free ferry trip, accomodation and discounts on tour. The entire trip was a time of fellowship with friends and God, and rest from work and uni. It was definately my 'richest' and most blessed holiday, despite only being one day.





I was also rather thankful that none of us got hurt during the trip. Cz Rottnest Island is famous for tourist getting injured while riding bikes (cz it's really hilly and the roads are abit uneven). We rode the bikes for 6 hours (22km) and none of us got hurt! I even brought all the meds and first-aid, prepared to use my first-aid knowledge on the trip. Guess I didn't need them, just needed God. :)

To add to the miracles, the tour guide told us that we were not guaranteed to see whales, cz whales come and go when they want. And it's actually quite rare to be able to see whales there. So my friends and I prayed to see a whale on the boat, and we saw two! A mother whale was teaching a baby whale to do tricks in the sea, like jumping up and flipping over, etc. It was truly amazing to see such a sight, even the tour guide was excited.

God, thanks for giving me such a blessed trip, thanks for preparing everything for us and for being so so so gracious.