We can't solve our problems alone.

When I found out my friend died, I thought it was a horrible accident that wasn't meant to happen. There were so many people questioning though, they said he killed himself because of great distress. I didn't believe them. I couldn't. I believed that God wanted him to be with Him, that it was just his time to go home.

And I didn't understand why God allowed him to leave when his family is so broken and needing his support so badly. But I tell myself to have faith in God and trust that God knows best, and just prayed for his family.

And then I finally had this talk with my mom. It was brief, because I couldn't talk about it much. I didn't know what to say. I found out that his death wasn't an accident. It was all planned. He planned it. There were evidences leading to what seemed to be a suicidal event.

I couldn't believe it. Maybe I don't want to. Maybe because I see his smile all the time and think "Wow, he must be really happy." His smile is so huge, anyone would've believe he's happy. I didn't know he was hurting. Maybe he wasn't hurting when I saw him last time. I hope that when he smiled, it was because he was genuinely happy, not because he used it to cover up his feelings. I hope for this, for the sake of all of us who considered him as a friend or family, yet failed to see his pain and help be a shoulder to him. Honestly, I don't know if he spoke aloud to anyone about what he was facing. Alot of us had some clue on his hurt, it was publicized. And we sympathized with him and carried on with our lives. That was our mistake. I wonder if he had best friends to lean on.

Alot of times, we think our situation is so big, that it's greater than our God. That's wrong. Nothing is greater than our God. Even in the worst, most unimaginable situations, God's still greater. My friend failed to realized that. He thought death was the better option. And so he took it into his own hands. He took his problems into his own hands. That's wrong. Only God can solve our problems. We can't solve our problems without God.
This must be the first Christmas we'll have without him in a long time. That'll be hard, especially for his sisters and mom.

I'll try to be a shoulder to lean on, to the people around me. I know he took his life because he couldn't see any way out and didn't want to deal with the pain. I don't want that to happen to any other friends I have. Because God always gives hope and strength. Not alot of people know that, but I pray that my friends will know.

RIP, you're missed.