God is Faithful!

I recently had a dance audition, to which I invested 1.5 weeks of every second of my waking moment trying to prepare for the audition. When I didn't make it, I got into my car and drove and drove and it took me about an hour to get myself together.

I felt so embarrassed, discouraged, I was not good enough, I'm good for nothing, I'm wasting all these efforts being put into dancing as a whole etc. Was starting to question what God had in store for me for my future. And although I told God beforehand that I submit everything to Him and let His will be done, I still cried out in frustration to God, asking Him why He'd let me fail the audition.

God has His own special way of comforting and speaking to His children. He spoke to me that day, and told me He wanted me to rest in Him, to find release in Him. He told me He needed me to get over this, and to get up and try again (and that's very hard to do). He also put some songs into my heart. One of them was "For You Alone" by Don Harris, which sums up points on finding God waiting for me, finding release in Him, and giving Him all the glory. Even more of a point made by God, for wanting me to find rest and release in Him!

The next day at church, we had a guest speaker who basically said "If you don't face the giant in your life (like how David faced Golliath), you will not reach your fullest potential (in David's case, his victory brought fame to him, which eventually led towards David becoming a King)." In my case, I guess being rejected was my giant? God wanted me to get up and face this giant! However being the flawed human I am, I questioned God, saying I don't have enough talent/skills/money/time etc to face this giant. Then, the guest speaker said "Don't tell me you don't have this and that. David didn't have an armor. He used what he had to kill the giant. You need use what you have to kill your giant!" Wow, okay God I will try very hard!

The next day (Monday) in class, my tutor read a storybook entitled "Wings", which was basically about a caterpillar wanting to be able to dance like the snake, all slippery and flexible. Eventually, the caterpillar gave up and instead focused on being himself, and turned into a butterfly. While my tutor was reading it, I was so touched I almost cried (I bet my coursemates were teary too). God just spoke to me through that simple story, to say that I should not compare myself and my talents to others', He's got something greater in store for me!

I'm so blessed that He makes sure I have friends to help me through these few weeks of vulnerability and feeling on the edge (from other issues as well). Like just when I was facing a rather scary day a few weeks back, I just so happened to have a full day rehearsal. So my friends were there to pray for me. And for now, I've met some pretty awesome new friends who helped me pull through this.

I'd sometimes feel as if God is far away, just watching me, not doing anything as I stumble my way across the path of life. But when I'm falling, I know He is there to catch me, to hold me. God is faithful!


A verse He popped into my heart the other day:
Deuteronomy 31:8 "The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."